


The Things We Love Destroy Us

by 1848pianist



Series: Some Heroes Do Wear Capes: Assorted Drabbles in the Marvel Fandom [9]
Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Developing Relationship, First Kiss, M/M, Prompt Fill, Self-Discovery, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2015-08-06
Packaged: 2018-04-13 05:07:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4508982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1848pianist/pseuds/1848pianist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things you said after you kissed me | Things you said when we were the happiest we ever were | Things you said after it was over</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Things We Love Destroy Us

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AsexualMagneto](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsexualMagneto/gifts).



> From a prompt fill from a tumblr ask meme! There are three parts, each progressively more AU. The first is canon compliant, the second I added some days in between the satellite dish scene and President Kennedy's address, and the last is just AU.
> 
> Minor warnings for a brief mention of Nazis/the camps and a hospital scene.

Later that night, the night before they set out to recruit the mutants that will help them defeat Shaw, Erik finds his way to Charles’s room.

“Oh, hello, Erik.” To Erik’s eyes, Charles still looks tired and unhealthily pale from the effort of using Cerebro, but he seems pleased to see Erik anyway. “Can I help you with something?”

Erik shakes his head. “Just making sure you were alright. Are you sure Hank knows what he’s doing with that thing?”

Charles laughs, as though he hadn’t nearly collapsed afterward. “‘That thing’ is one of the most brilliant inventions I’ve ever seen. It’s perfectly safe, I assure you, though I appreciate your concern.” He pats the mattress beside him. “You can come and sit down, if you like.”

Erik does, careful to maintain a few inches of space between them.

“I’m surprised you agreed with me so quickly earlier,” he says, changing the subject. “About finding the mutants without the C.IA.” Charles sways a little and Erik almost reaches out to steady him before he stops himself. Clearly Charles is more exhausted than he will admit.

“Of course, my friend,” he replies. “I agreed to work with the C.I.A., but that doesn’t mean I think they should have their hands in everything. This is a matter for mutants alone.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

“Besides,” Charles grins, “how would you have reacted if it had been a C.I.A. agent who pulled you out of the water instead of me?”

Erik considers. “Badly.”

“Precisely, my friend.” Charles grows more serious. “It’s up to us to tell them they aren’t alone either, don’t you think?”

“Yes.” A natural silence falls between them for a few moments.

Charles is leaning precariously towards Erik again. “Forgive me, my friend, but my inhibitions are still rather low at the moment,” he says, and Erik thinks he’s apologizing in a roundabout way for his lack of balance before Charles leans over deliberately and presses his lips to Erik’s.

Erik goes still, feeling the air grow cold around him at the same time his core seems to glow warm. He kisses back, sliding one arm around Charles’s waist before he remembers who he’s with and what he’s doing.

He pulls back, shock catching up with him. “No—no, I can’t—I’m not…”

“Ah,” Charles breathes, his expression sad. “I’m sorry, Erik. I didn’t mean to push you.”

“No, it’s—”

“It’s alright. I shouldn’t have assumed. Though it’s not a disease like they say it is, you know. It’s far more common than you’d think, actually.” He taps his temple, as explanation for this knowledge. “No matter.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Erik says, finally regaining full control of his vocal cords. He doesn’t much care what people think about who he’s attracted to. He’d seen the pink triangles in the camps, and as far as he’s concerned, anything the Nazis hated is fine by him.

“I’m a weapon, Charles,” he explains. “I can’t do this.”

Charles eyes are still sad, but for a different reason. “Oh, my friend,” he says quietly, “do you really believe yourself so unworthy of love?”

“I’ll only hurt you, Charles.”

“Erik. I saw your memories,” Charles says with intensity. “What happened to Magda and your family was not your fault.”

“It happened because they were close to me,” Erik argues. “I can’t afford to be distracted from Shaw, not while he’s still out there.”

Charles looks at him for a long moment. “Erik, listen to me. It is possible to be loved and to be driven at the same time. Allow yourself to be happy, please.”

Erik stares at him, lost for words.

“You think you’ve forgotten how,” Charles says. “Let me assure you that you have not. You still have that capacity.”

The intensity behind Charles’s blue eyes becomes too much, and Erik stares down at the narrow gap between them. Charles reaches out to tilt his chin back up and pauses, as though waiting for permission.

Erik doesn’t move to stop him, allowing Charles to guide him back into a kiss. Charles’s arms wrap around his shoulders, and Erik moves his hands to rest at the small of Charles’s back. It’s gentle, not the way Erik imagined it from Raven’s stories of girls in bars. But Erik can already tell that this is no one-night fling for Charles, and the thought thrills him and scares him to death.

Charles eventually breaks the kiss, leaning his forehead against Erik’s with his arms still around his shoulders.

“You see?”

Erik nods, the hint of a smile twitching the edge of his lips.

Charles smiles fully, blindingly. “You called me adorable. Earlier.”

Erik feels the tips of his ears glow red. “I stand by that assessment.”

Charles laughs, pressing his lips to Erik’s again briefly.

“Well,” Erik says, rather shakily when they’re sitting across from each other again, “this changes things.”

“Yes, it certainly does,” Charles agrees.

*

Charles has rarely seen Erik so animated then after he moves the satellite dish.

“Someone’s in a good mood,” he remarks as Erik comes downstairs, practically cheerful.

“Says the chronic morning person,” Erik points out. “Anyone else around?”

Charles shakes his head, leaning over the counter to kiss him. Their relationship is an open secret, though one he knows for a fact Darwin and Raven are beginning to guess.

“I had another idea for your training,” he says when Erik leans back.

“My training,” Erik says somewhat skeptically, but his eyes spark with interest.

“I think you’ll like it. It’s better than _shooting you_ , at any rate. Anyway, it’s quite, well—” he smirks “—groovy.”

Erik rolls his eyes. “And your idea is?”

“Come with me,” Charles says, pulling him along.

When they’re outside on the mansion lawn, he stops, standing a few feet in front of Erik.

“Alright,” he says. “You can feel the earth’s core and magnetic fields, yes?”

“If I concentrate,” Erik replies. He gives Charles a sharp look. “I’m not going to break the planet, am I?”

“I certainly hope not. See if you can concentrate on them specifically.”

Erik sighs but closes his eyes. Charles hovers at the edge of his thoughts, silently asking permission to read deeper. Erik grants it with only a moment’s hesitation, a testament to the new trust he has in Charles.

Charles feels the moment when Erik locks into the iron mass deep below their feet, exploring its makeup with his powers. It’s not quite like Charles’s telepathy, but near enough that he can interpret what Erik is doing, testing his control.

_So, your idea?_

Erik has gotten better at this, too, sharing thoughts silently without mentally shouting at Charles.

Rather than telling him, Charles sends him a series of images of what he had in mind. In the physical world, he sees Erik’s eyes open, a grin playing at the corners of his mouth.

“Interesting theory,” he says aloud.

 _I thought so_ , Charles replies. “Ready?”

Erik nods, his confirmation echoing through both of their minds.

 _Good luck_.

Erik closes his eyes again, deep in concentration. Moving objects is one thing, but moving _himself_ in relation to those objects is a different thing entirely – a different set of mental muscles, you could say.

 _Open your eyes, Erik_. Charles’s mental voice is warm and bright, a hint of a laugh at the edges.

Erik does and finds himself hovering a foot or so above the ground. He wobbles out of surprise and nearly drops back to the ground, but Charles catches his outstretched hand and smiles up at him.

“This could take some getting used to.”

“I imagine.” Charles can feel the thrill in Erik’s mind, reverberating with his own. For once there is no darkness in the front of Erik’s thoughts.

“I thought it would take longer than that,” Erik admits as he floats back to solid ground, Charles’s hand still wrapped around his.

“You’re better at this than you give yourself credit for,” Charles says.

“Hmm,” Erik says, pulling him closer. For a fleeting moment he contemplates a life after Shaw with Charles, here where he’s the happiest he’s ever been.

“You’ve made me quite happy too, Erik,” Charles says, still fully connected to Erik’s mind.

Rather than saying anything more, Erik kisses him, knowing that Charles already knows everything he can’t put into words.

*

Charles wakes up slowly, not quite aware of where he is. The room comes into focus in increments, first a gray ceiling, then plain walls. Then a figure, standing to the side of his bed.

“Ah!” Charles tries to sit up, but he can’t. Pain shoots up his back as he realizes where he is: in a hospital room with Erik Lehnsherr.

“Charles—” Erik steps forward, his head horribly empty with that helmet blocking his thoughts.

“Stay away from me,” Charles snaps without a second thought, as though he’s no longer in control of his voice. He’s lost control of a great many things, apparently.

Erik blinks, and how dare he look _hurt_ , but he does as Charles says. “I’m sorry,” he says.

“You’re _sorry_.”

“I didn’t talk to a doctor,” Erik continues, as if he hasn’t heard. “Obviously. Have they…?” he trails off, but Charles knows exactly what he means despite not being able to read his mind anymore.

“You broke my spine, Erik. You _paralyzed_ me and then…and then you left.” Charles tries to state them as facts, emotionlessly, but his voice breaks in the middle.

Erik has the decency to look away.

“I know it doesn’t help anything—”

“—you’re damn right it doesn’t—”

“—it was an accident, Charles.”

“An avoidable one.”

Erik glances at him. “Perhaps.”

Charles snorts, turning his head away.

“If you don’t want my apology—” Erik’s voice is almost gentle, but there’s a new edge of the steel that had all but disappeared in their time at Westchester “—what is it that you want from me, Charles? Did you really expect me to stop fighting, to let the humans destroy us?”

It wouldn’t make any difference at this point, but Charles considers telling him that he felt every bit of Shaw’s death, just to see Erik’s guilt.

“This doesn’t have to be the end, Charles.” Erik doesn’t beg; this is the closest he comes to pleading. “Our differences don’t have to drive us apart.

For a second, Charles almost considers his words, before he remembers the bullet that has already driven them apart, the metal helmet that still divides them.

“It’s over, Erik.”


End file.
